Collective PTSD and Coping (Part 1)
By Nance Leonhardt
Last November, Brian, George and I were able to travel to the Learning and the Brain Conference in Boston, Massachusetts. Giants of psychology, neuroscience and education such as Bessel van der Kolk, Steven Porges, Lisa Damour and Jud Brewer inspired packed auditoriums with their expertise, humor, and up-to-the-minute research. They framed an idea that we are all experiencing collective PTSD, addressing the herd of elephants in our midst: cataclysmic events in public health and safety compounding political, economic, and environmental spheres. Globally, more of us are living in a chronic state of anticipatory anxiety prompted by factors beyond our control.
PTSD used to be thought of as a series of symptoms unique to survivors of big “T” traumas: soldiers, survivors of war, assault, and more. We now know more about the impact of chronic stress and little “t” trauma on our brains: when we are impacted in a big or chronic way, our ability to regulate our reactivity is hijacked. Van der Kolk speaks eloquently on the subject in this video if you are interested in learning more.
Some key takeaways from our presenters:
Worry-addiction is a (faulty) way of tricking your brain into thinking you have control (Dr. Jud Brewer, Unwinding Anxiety).
The essential importance of co-regulation to help lower stress–in other words, when your kid comes at you with anger or anxiety, you meet them with calm and “I’m-here-to-help-you-hold-this” energy. Virtually all presenters spoke about this.
Modern teens are no more “coddled” than those in the early part of the 20th Century. Delayed adolescence is linked to economic trends and employment opportunities more than anything else. In other words, if you are able to meet your economic goals early, you will mature early. If you cannot, your maturation will be delayed. (Nancy Hill, Harvard Graduate School of Education)
Seattle Children’s Hospital’s behavioral medicine unit has a great framework that describes psychological escalation (see the image, right). When we are in the green zone, we’re able to solve problems and react with resilience to typical stressors (homework, college applications, chores, etc.). However, it’s important to know that very few of us are at a green baseline given the pandemic and related stressors. This means when normal stressors show up, we have far less capacity to react with resilience (#chronicptsd.) We peak up to red (acting out) or blue (shutting down) escalation much more quickly, and it takes longer for us to come down from these highly reactive states.
Managing our kids’ escalations is even more challenging when we, ourselves, feel stress. Do not forget to take care of your needs for sleep, fun, exercise, quiet down-time, and nutrition. Wellness is not a competition! When we are regulated, we can model calm for our kids. Consider some of these tried-and-true strategies for promoting coregulation in your home:
The kids are watching us. Watch your tone of voice, gestures, facial expressions, etc., especially when presented with something stress inducing. If we demonstrate a calm demeanor, it helps promote calm mirror neurons in our counterparts and lowers their reactivity.
Create a time and place to solve problems (family meeting, family google calendar, etc.) and “pin” the need to address issues until it’s time for the meeting.
If you are noticing you are emotionally reactive, own it, step away until you can focus on problem-solving. Say, “I’m going to need some time to calm down before we talk further about this.” This simple action models that it is okay to take care of ourselves when we can’t cope in the moment.
Make time for unstructured fun with low-expectations. Simple things like enjoying a Netflix show together or even reading side-by-side on the couch can promote calm and connection.
Connect indirectly. Leave a post-it note with a thank you or a funny joke in a frequently trafficked spot in your student’s routine. Communicate using emojis only on occasion. Forward funny memes or videos that they’d like Don’t be “cheugy” though… once in awhile, random acts of fun keep the authenticity of your intent intact.